So, you’ve brought two babies into this world. First of all, you’re a superhero—no doubt about it. But let’s get real for a second: postpartum recovery after twins is not the same as recovering from a single birth. It’s double the diapers, double the feedings, double the sleepless nights—and sometimes, double the discomfort. Your body just did an incredible, exhausting, miraculous thing. Now, it's time to heal, recover, and find yourself again in the whirlwind of having two newborns at home.
It’s important to remember, you’re not just healing from birth. You’re also adjusting to a new life with two precious babies. And while there’s a lot of joy, there’s also a lot of messiness that nobody really prepares you for. Let’s break down what you really need to know about postpartum recovery after twins!
As your due date nears, the reality of impending parenthood can be both exciting and overwhelming. You may be getting nervous or have anxiety around when you’ll go into labor. You may be stressing about getting the nursery ready or finalizing details for your maternity leave. That’s why planning and enjoying a big night out can provide a special opportunity to unwind, connect, and relish your partner’s company before your baby’s arrival takes center stage. I always encourage clients to schedule a “no holds barred” date night around 37 or 38 weeks - it’s a chance to take a deep breath, enjoy some quality time together, and remind yourselves why you’re a great team. Orange County offers an array of high-end, memorable spots to make this final pre-baby date night one for the books.
In the quiet hush of the labor & delivery room, where the air is charged with anticipation and the scent of earthiness and birthyness, a new chapter in your life unfolds. The rhythmic cadence of your breath is mirrored by the gentle whispers of your doula, a reassuring presence in this oh so sacred moment. The culmination of nine months… maybe more, leads to this: the first hour with your newborn.
When I was selecting items for my baby registry, it was really important to me to not go overboard. As a doula of 14 years, I’ve seen families get overwhelmed with the amount of stuff in their homes and nurseries and I knew I wanted to keep things on the simpler side. I also wanted to be mindful of the impact on not only the environment, but also my baby’s microbiome - which meant finding a lot of eco-friendly products to keep waste down and keep our home as “low tox” as possible. Here you’ll find some of my favorite sustainable and most useful items that I registered for.
That lingerie hugged every curve of your pre-baby body so perfectly. You could drink champagne without worrying if your baby was gonna get drunk right along with you. Doing your hair didn’t involve crying in a heap on the floor because of the literal clumps falling out of your scalp.
Sigh. Those were the days.
Being a Doula is hard. Like, REALLY hard.
It’s stunning and beautiful and profound and core-shaking and magical and fascinating.
When a client hires you, they are hiring you to support them through some of the most intense moments of their lives. They are relying on you to be there in the thick of things... not only when things unfold as they envision, but also when things begin to fall off the rails.
When they hire you, they know that they can call you at 2am when their gassy baby is screaming her head off and nothing is working to soothe her.
When they hire you, they know you will answer an urgent text in the middle of family dinner.
They are depending on you to be the calm amongst the storm.
But what happens when you can’t be the calm in their storm?
What happens when your own life is an emotional roller-coaster? When you’re tapped out and literally have nothing else to give? When you’re so emotionally empty that the thought of attending a birth or going to one more postpartum visit leaves a pit in your stomach or brings you to tears?
There’s a reason the typical burn-out rate for Doulas is 2 years, people.
And it’s not because we take on too many clients or because we don’t have enough help from our spouses or because we don’t take good care of ourselves (although those factors may definitely be true for some!).
It’s because being a Doula is really freaking hard. It’s also because typically in “Doula School” we aren’t taught our worth. We aren’t taught that self-care is important. We aren’t taught that our gifts have value. And we definitely aren’t taught that it’s ok to say no.
The expectations put upon Doulas is BANANAS.
Advocate. Therapist. Midwife. Massage Therapist. Lactation Consultant. Sleep Trainer. Super Woman. All rolled into one.
This is what some Doulas claim to be. This is what is projected onto others even if the claims aren’t made by the Doulas themselves. This is what a society that doesn’t really know WHAT a Doula does, thinks we do.
While I may be a fantastic Doula, I am also a human.
As much as I would like to, I cannot promise a particular birth outcome. I cannot cure your Postpartum Depression. I cannot make your baby’s colic go away.
As a Birth & Postpartum Doula, I commit to support you through these life-changing experiences and I do it to the best of my ability. However, I cannot save anyone from anything. Not even myself.
I have my limits. And so do you. It’s different for each person, but that limit does exist.
Me? I have to force myself to take a huge step back and look at what I’m costing myself AND what I’m costing my clients by trying to push beyond my limits. It is selfish of me to think that my lack of emotional wellness won’t affect my client’s birth or postpartum experiences. It is unrealistic to think that giving anything less than my best to a client will result in them being satisfied with my services and my support.
Quite honestly, sometimes I have to put myself first. And that is absolutely ok.
Yesterday, I made the decision to transfer a client’s care to another Doula within our agency.
I did it because I know myself well enough to know that I would not be the calm amongst her storm. That I was unable to be emotionally present for her in my current emotional state. It was not done lightly. And while I did it for my own health, I also did it for my client. Because she deserves the best support she can get. She deserves someone who has their shit together.
I currently do not. And I’m woman enough to admit it.
Thankfully, I work for an agency that supported me in this decision and encouraged me to take care of myself. I take comfort in the fact that my client will have a tremendous Doula who is better equipped to support her in the ways that she needs. I trust that her birth will be all the more amazing because of this transfer of care.
Admitting that you are not enough is a shitty feeling. But it is not a failure. Asking for help is not a weakness. Taking time to focus on you is not wrong.It took me a long time to learn this. But I’m thankful for the lesson and for the awareness in the here and now.
How is your day-to-day life reflecting the value you place upon your own self and well-being?
In case no one has told you yet, self-care is imperative. And it often goes overlooked in the life of a Doula. It’s unfortunate but true.
But hear this... KNOW this: YOU. ARE. WORTH. IT. You cannot live a well-balanced life without it. Your work will not be sustainable if you don’t do it. And regularly.
Please, please, please don’t be like me. Don’t put yourself last and ignore your self-care needs. Pour back into yourself so that you have something left in reserve to give to your clients. Honor your limits. Know when to say “Uncle”. And for goodness sakes, don’t apologize for it!
International Babywearing Week is October 5th-10th and Doulas of OC is excited to celebrate with all of you. This week Tiff Delancy, Birth Doula & Babywearing Aficionado, is bringing you a series of posts dedicated to the joys and beauty of babywearing. She’ll touch on the physical and emotional benefits of wearing your baby as well as important safety tips to consider. Check back each day this week for a myriad of insight to the wonderful world of babywearing!
October 6th - Getting Started Babywearing
October 7th - Happy Mom, Happy Baby
October 8th - The Ease of Being Hands Free
October 9th - Developmental Benefits
October 10th - Grow & Explore Together
Ah pregnancy. The pending arrival intrigues and excites most friends and family members. You may have received extra attention, special care and an interest in how you and baby are doing. Your days have been spent planning for your upcoming birth. Countless hours have been spent perfecting your birth plan, registering for just the right baby gear, playing Hypnobabies tracks into the wee hours of pregnancy insomnia and attending those fabulous weekly prenatal yoga classes. As the big day arrives, the joy surrounding the birth of your sweet baby is shared throughout your close (and not so close) circle...with congratulations texts and Facebook posts flooding your inbox.
Our society has placed new moms in place of isolation and unrealistic expectations and frankly, it's NOT okay. In many cultures, birth and motherhood is widely discussed and passed down from family members. However in current day North America; Pregnancy, birth and the postpartum stage are not topics that are widely shared on a authentic and deep level within most circles. A combination of the media and a lack vulnerability about parenthood has led to a skewed image for new moms.
Anxiety about being a perfect mother are rampant and something we see quite frequently as Postpartum Doulas. In the hustle and bustle of our urban and fast paced cities, women often feel the pressure to immediately bounce back to their pre-baby state and way of life. They try to carry on, as if bringing a whole new life into the world is no big deal and that raising an infant is a simple task that any good mother can handle with ease.
You deserve to be supported, cared for and celebrated as a new mother. We fully believe you are AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL AND STRONG. However, we also fully believe that you don't have to be those things all of the time. It's okay to be SAD, CONFUSED and UTTERLY STRESSED OUT.
Parenting is hard. Physical healing from birth is hard. The emotional roller coaster of your hormones balancing is hard. Figuring out your breast or bottle feeding relationship is hard. Waking up multiple times a night is hard. Trying to balance bonding with your newborn and providing attention to your partner or other family members is hard. Wading through the voices of advice and judgement is hard. Deciding on all the little decisions surrounding newborn care is hard. Hard doesn't mean you aren't doing it right. Motherhood is rewarding, joyous and life transforming...but you can't expect to be perfect. There is no perfect mother.
Pick up or make a warm meal AND offer to hold the baby while mama eats.
Go to the grocery store and pick out or prepare healthy snacks mama can eat with one hand:
Veggie Sticks & Dip, Cubed Fruit, Protein Bars, Nuts & Seeds, Muffins, Smoothies, Wraps, etc
Siblings? Spend some one and one time with the sibling(s) at a park or playing with toys. You could also hold the sweet baby, so mama can read a book with a sibling. After a month or so, accompanying mama & siblings to a park date is a great option as well.
Laundry is something that piles up quickly in the house. Come over and put a load in and chat with mama on how she's doing while the cycle goes through. Once it's done, fold and put away or I promise you it will most likely be in the basket next time you come over.
Short showers are a luxury for most mamas. Draw a bath, adding a postpartum herbal blend or diffuse some aromatherapy and offer to care for her newborn while she takes a long, relaxing bath.
Listen. New moms are very fragile and experiencing a range of emotions and still processing. Gently open up dialogue to ask how she's doing, ask how her birth experience was, ask how the adjustment to parenthood has been, etc. Be a non judgmental, open ear for her to vocalize and process with. Sometimes they aren't ready to share and that's ok too. Support her where she's at.
Take the dog for a good run or take them to the groomers for a wash.
Unload the dishwasher and take out the trash.
Encourage her to take a long a nap while you get baby snuggles in.
Take a walk outside in the fresh air and sunshine with mama and baby.
Hire a Postpartum Doula to provide all of the above and so much more!
With that said, it's also so amazing to see both my girls in my bed and my toddler loving her baby sister and her natural maternal instincts shining through. The way that she wakes up in the morning and shoots straight up, crawling over to get Willow and snuggle her saying, "baby sister awake?" warms my heart like I never could have expected.
My toddler was definitely like any other newborn and loved to be loved on. But the difference between her and Ivorēwillow is that Piperlily was pretty much ok with anyone loving on her while Willow won't really let me put her down, even when she's sleeping. This poses a whole new challenge not just in the aspect of going to the bathroom, washing my hair, picking up toddler toys, or cooking dinner but all the other things I feel like I'm supposed to be tending to... Answering emails and finally returning calls, catching up on work, tackling my to do list, but more importantly love on my toddler and husband. Recently I've started feeling overwhelmed with all the pressure I'm putting on myself and worst of all that pressure and stress is causing me to be less present with the most important thing that matters right now: this brand new life I've created and my family.
I keep battling with myself that on one side: “she’s five months old, she should be more independent by now” and then on the other side: “says who?! Enjoy this time of her wanting you to be so close, it won’t always be like this”. It amazes me that even with all my personal views on parenting, I still have this dark corner in me that society and media has embedded it’s long, grotesque fingernails into that tries to tell me what “normal” is for babies, but is in all actuality the furthest thing from normal. I find myself routinely stopping and reminding myself, “babies aren’t meant to sleep the whole night. Babies aren’t meant to be independent. Babies are meant to be in their mom’s arms.” I recently heard a quote that I just loved and feels it applies so well to birth and parenting, “We have made something so natural and normal to now be considered abnormal”.
Finding this new balance of being a “work at home mom” and having a baby at home with me at all times is one of the most challenging ventures I’ve had but it isn’t one drop short of extraordinary. Being able to be with my daughter through all her firsts, being able to snuggle her whenever I want, and being able to have a strong breastfeeding relationship is a true blessing and I’m so fortunate have this opportunity.
Be gentle to yourself mama. Whether this is your first, or your 5th baby, enjoy this time. Not only is it crucial for bonding to just sit and be present with baby, it’s crucial for your emotional and physical healing. Birth is a strenuous journey and is so important to allow the time to process and imprint with baby in order to move to the next chapter of your life.
